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Heart To Heart

Monday, April 10, 2017

Live in Real World
I fell in love with a girl when I was in class 11th. She lived in the neighbourhood. I decided that I won't let my love to be a problem in my studies as I was a good student at that time. She was a source of inspiration for me. I studied hard and was selected in a reputed engineering college. Now after one year, the family of that girl moved to some other city. Then I told about my love to my mother. She had a few objections with the girl. 1. She was elder than me. 2. Acoording to my mother, she wasn't intelligent, as she didn't get good grades in studies. 3. Mom said that you are also not old enough to decide on such topics.

I also thought that it may be an infatuation and may be I am not old enough, so for that time I ignored the matter with great difficulties.

Now two years have passed and there hasn't been a single day when she doesn't come to my mind. In fact earlier I had created a world of myself in my mind.. Which consisted of dreams of just her and me. I have this world with me today also. As a matter of fact.. I didn't have much conversation with the girl but just loved her on the basis of facts I knew about her form others. She also didn't clearly mentioned that she loved me.. But I interpreted that from her actions.

The situation was such that I had her as one of my target of studies.. And then I believed that everything could be achieved with studies. Since I couldn't get her, this has seriously affected my studies too; I am an average student now.

What is the right thing to do in such a situation? On one side I have my parents whom I don't want to resent and on the other side is my love. My responsibility demanded sacrifice and I am trying to that but I have lost interest in studies because I think that for whom I am doing so much.. Any girl which my parent decide to choose for me..and whom I might not be able to love.

You have created a fantasy world for yourself without ever having spoken to this girl. You do not even know for sure whether she has the same feelings for you as you have for her. And your real world is not satisfying you in comparison with your fantasy. The only way out is to know for sure whether she reciprocates your feelings. Try to get her address through neighbours and friends, and then contact her to know the truth. The answer will be either Yes or No. If she reciprocates your feelings then your fantasy will become a reality and your parents will have to accept the reality. On the other hand, if she is not interested then your illusory world will get dismantled which is good.  You can then find fulfillment in the real world.

As far as your studies are concerned, making a girl as your goal and studies as the way to your goal is not a really healthy thing to do. You need to work hard and strive to achieve for your own self-worth, and not for anyone else.

You have a unique purpose in life and a unique contribution to make in this world, as all other human beings. So you need to live the best life you can live to fulfill your purpose in life. That is a healthy goal and a healthy motivation. So make the most of the gifts and talents you are blessed with, and work towards being the best of who you can be “for yourself”.

Urine Infection after Sex
Why is that whenever we have sex after a long gap my wife gets urine infection even though both of us maintain proper personal hygiene?

Mechanical rubbing during intercourse can cause urethral inflammation in females. In spite of all the so-called hygienic precautions, infection can enter the inflamed urethra and bladder causing urinary infection.

This is a common complaint known as ‘honeymoon urethritis’. Whenever there is a longer ‘gap’ between sexual encounters, excitement levels are high. This causes aggressive movements and harder rubbing of organs. An aggressive mechanical rubbing during intercourse causes this problem. Try to be gentle during intercourse. Women enjoy it better that way. Also engage in prolonged (20-25 minutes) and mutually satisfying foreplay. This will produce adequate lubrication in her vagina for an enjoyable intercourse. Lack of lubrication (which is likely to be either due to a lack of interest, lack of relaxation during the act or lack of adequate foreplay) can also be the cause of urethral (or even vaginal) injury and inflammation.

Drunken exploration
I am a 28-year-old woman working in a multinational company. Last month at an office party I got drunk and got very physically intimate with another office colleague — a woman! I have always been attracted to the opposite sex and am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend since three years. Hence this drunken behaviour of mine has been shocking and certainly embarrassing! Although my partner has no idea about the incident, some of my colleagues keep dropping hints that they know what happened that night and pass cruel jokes. If that wasn't enough, the woman who I got intimate with is forcing me to be with her or she'll tell the entire world what happened that night, the first person being my boyfriend. This is causing me much grief.

You have proved that it is not only ‘drunken driving’ that is dangerous but also ‘drunken partying’. It’s quite a soup you have got yourself into. Honesty is the best policy in this case. Tell your boyfriend of your ‘drunken deeds’ and express genuine regret and repentance for putting yourself in such a position. Also commit to yourself as well as to him that this will never happen again. The threats of this woman will be rendered harmless when you on your own disclose it to your boyfriend. I hope that you have learned your life lesson and will think twice before putting a drink to your lips. Dealing with the jokes at office and the threats from this woman, will reinforce your life lesson, and patiently going through this painful embarrassment, will serve as a lifetime reminder of the price one necessarily has to pay for one’s indiscretions. If this experience helps you to live a more mature, responsible and self-aware life, then the embarrassment and awkwardness is a small price for a larger life lesson.

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I hear many women suffering from dyspareunia. Wha
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Astrology
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)This is not a good day to discuss office matters or management policies. Others will not be receptive to your ideas. Perhaps you are not in your element today. Take time off to reflect or do something that you enjoy. Matters will improve by evening.
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