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Heart To Heart

Monday, January 23, 2017

Lost interest in sex after hysterectomy
I am a 48 years old woman. Three years back I have undergone hysterectomy operation. My ovaries are also removed. Doctor advised me to take hormone tablets (Premarin) for my life time. But after almost one and half years my family doctor advised me to stop taking that tablets as it may give some other problem. After that I have totally lost interest in sex and there is a guilty conscious in me as I am not able to satisfy my husband. In spite of taking medicine my BP is always high. There is mood swing also. Is there any connection between removing of ovaries and my other problem. So please advice me at this stage what can I do my best?

Ovaries produce female hormones (Estrogen and Progesterone). If the ovaries are surgically removed, it causes a rather abrupt “surgical menopause” as the female hormones are now not produced in your body.  It is due to this reason that your gynaecologist advised you to take hormone supplements. On the advise of your family doctor when you stopped taking the hormone tablets, you started producing menopausal symptoms which are inevitable for every menopausal woman due to withdrawal of female hormones. The loss of interest in sex, mood swings, fluctuating BP are the symptoms of menopause. Menopausal symptoms can be managed successfully with treatment. I advise you to consult a gynaecologist for the management of your menopausal symptoms.

Choice of life partner
My parents are pressuring me to get married to a guy they have chosen. But I don’t like the guy and find him creepy. But the problem is that they have been trying to find a match for me since last few months, none of which worked out. So they think if they let go of this guy, I will not find a better match, because he is educated, earns a lot of money and is well-settled. But the thing is I really don’t think he is my type. I have met him a couple of times and haven’t liked his thinking. What should I do?

You owe it to yourself, the guy and your parents that you are completely honest about how you feel about this match. Communicate to your parents that while you understand their concerns over your marriage, it is equally important that you do not merely marry out of a sense of guilt over their concerns. We are sure your parents do not want you to be unhappily married, or then have a broken marriage if things do not work. Communicating the same to them might help them see the light.

On your part, it is important that since you are open to an arranged match, you give yourself and the guy (this guy or any other guy) adequate opportunity to know each other before concluding about compatibility.  Today it is easy to communicate via e-mail in order to understand views of each other on various issues. It is only after sufficient communication on relevant matters that one can truly assess compatibility. If you have sufficient evidence to point out incompatibility with the present guy, share it with your parents in a mature way, and point out those areas where things could go wrong for both of you. If they truly care for your sustained happiness they will step back and look for a more compatible match.

Best sexual posture for maximum pleasure
What is the most common sexual position that married couples use during intercourse? Which is the best position for maximum pleasure for both husband and wife?

There are several different sexual positions that a couple can choose to use. The most prevalent one is known as the “missionary position”, where the male partner is on top of the female partner, with face-to-face interaction. Female superior or Woman-on-top is the second most preferred sexual position.

Each sexual position facilitates an exclusive opportunity to couple for physical and emotional expression. Matters such as mood, health, body weight, age, and pregnancy can determine which position will be the most preferred one at a particular instant. Stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse is easier with the female-superior (woman-on-top) position, either sitting upright or inclining off to the left or right. Woman-on-top position also facilitates the woman to be ‘active’ whereby it is easier for her to reach to her own orgasm. A lot of couples prefer a more intimate and relaxed interaction with the face-to-face, side-by-side position, allowing each partner to have a free hand to caress the other's body. For pregnant women, the ‘spoon position’ is often more comfortable, relieving pressure from her abdomen during intercourse. So most people experiment with many positions to decide what they find most desirable.

Accidental exposure to sex
While me any my wife were performing intercourse in our bedroom, suddenly our child (6 yrs.) entered the room and saw us in that state. I wish to know from you that what are we supposed to do in such situation?

To prevent something like this from happening, we recommend you to lock your bedroom door every time you are going to engage in any type of love play. But if such a situation occurs, it would be most appropriate first to ask the child to leave the room gently yet firmly. Then, when you get yourselves decent and presentable, you could go out and have a talk with the child. You could explain that what the two of you were doing was loving each other sexually - a time of pleasure for a loving married couple. But it is private, so it made you uncomfortable. Allow the child to talk about his/her feelings and ask any questions he/she might have. If this type of accidental exposure is handled with care and openness, damage is not likely to result.

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I refrain from making sexual overtures with my pa
Dr. Rajan B. Bhonsle, M.D. (Bom)
Consulting Sex Therapist & Counsellor
Dr. (Mrs.) Minnu R. Bhonsle, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Astrology
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Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20)News from overseas about work, education or even a marriage proposal is worth considering. Try to improve your relationships with others. Avoid being suspicious about the ulterior motives of people around you. A more positive approach will do wonders for you in your rapport with others. After overcoming your fears and anxieties about nothing at all you realize that life is good after all .A carefree indulgent mood brightens up your love life.
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