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Heart To Heart

Monday, January 09, 2017

Importance of sex for a woman
What is the importance of sex for a woman in married life and normally how many times does a common woman (age 22 to 25) like to have sex in a week? Do they like bold husband or little bit of the shy type?

Sex is as important for a woman as it is for a man, and also as enjoyable. But it is also important that there be more than just sex in the marriage. Romance and emotional intimacy is very important to a woman. When a woman feels emotionally connected she is aroused physically. The sexual appetite varies from person to person and the frequency of sexual intimacy should be mutually decided by both the partners. There is no fixed frequency, and even with the same partners the frequency varies during different phases of their life, depending on health, children, work, emotional intimacy etc. You ask about whether a woman prefers a bold or a shy man. I believe the answer would be neither. She would like a self-assured and confident man who is comfortable with his own sexuality.

All about condoms
I teach biology in college. My students often ask me questions about sex. Though I have no expertise on this subject, I try to answer as genuinely and scientifically correct as possible to my students. I wish to get all the important information about condoms; as I feel it is necessary to enlighten young generation about condoms. Are condoms truly safe? Please explain in detail.

Condoms are called barrier methods of contraception (birth control) because they put up a barrier or block, which keeps the sperms from reaching the ovum. It is made of latex or polyurethane. Condoms are 86 to 98% efficacious at preventing pregnancy. One can buy them at a chemist shop. Always keep condoms in a cool, dry place. If you keep them in a hot place like a wallet, or glove compartment of a car, the latex breaks down, causing the condom to break or tear. The condom is to be worn only on an erect penis, and just before intromission. It is packed with its borders rolled up. It is to be unrolled over the erect penis, till it is fully opened and covering the erect penis. There is a small pocket at the tip of the condom. It is given for the semen to get collected after ejaculation. This pocket may be pinched to avoid trapping of air at the time of wearing the condom. Condoms can only be used once. When putting the condom on the erect penis one must avoid tearing the condom or putting a hole in it with sharp fingernails, a ring, or anything pointed and sharp.

You have asked ‘Are condoms truly safe?’ You are probably referring to ‘Reliability’ rather than safety. Safety refers to whether the condom usage will produce any ill effects to the users. In that sense the condom is safe except for those who are allergic to latex. Reliability refers to the fact whether condom usage prevents pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted infections. A person infected with HIV (or any other Sexually Transmitted Disease) or likely to be infected, should be aware that a condom cannot completely eliminate the risk of transmission of HIV/STDs to themselves or to others.

Having her cake and eating it too’
I was in a relationship with a girl for 5 Years. As I was not ready to marry her and required one more year to become financially stable, she broke up with me and married another guy. Even after breaking up we used to meet each other and had sex too. Even after being marriage she has kept sexual relations with me as she is not very happy with her husband. She says that she realizes that she has made a mistake and loves me more than anything in this world. What should I do? Coz I love her a lot and sex between us is great and the feeling is mutual on both sides. She does not enjoy sex with her husband much.

Your friend is ‘having her cake and eating it too’. If according to her , her marriage is a mistake then why does she not rectify the mistake and get her life back on track? And if she is okay with her marriage then what is she doing with you?  But more than that, what are you doing with your life? You say that she could not wait for a year till you were financially stable, and she made her choice. Her conscious choice should have been enough to let you know what place you have in her life. So the question is why has your life remained on hold after she broke off from you? We all deserve to be in a relationship in which we are valued. Do you feel valued in this relationship ? That is some food for thought.

Condom phobia
I am 22-year-old woman... got married recently with 28-year-old man. We don’t want child for the first one year. My husband wears condom during sex... however everytime he wears condom, I get terribly scared thinking if condom slip off during sex it can get lost in my vagina causing serious complications. Kindly clarify.

If a condom does come off when a couple has sexual intercourse and slips into the vagina, the woman can easily reach into her vagina with her fingers and pull it out. It does not enter the uterus or the body. The vagina is almost like a blind pouch with a very narrow collapsed passage into the uterus which cannot allow the condom to go beyond that point. Moreover, a condom is too large an object to get lost into the vagina.

Stop feeling scared; and relax into your sexual relationship with your husband.

Heart To Heart Counselling Centre runs Certificate courses in Counselling & Sex Education at 10 Jerbai Baug, Byculla (E), Mumbai-27.
Tel: 23755866 / 9821093902.

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