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Wedding bells at 40

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

It’s never too late to get married; it can work wonders for your emotional self, says Dr Vaibhav Datar

Did you know of all the people in the ‘never married’ category, three out of four will get married when they are 40 to 50 years old, which means a whopping 75% get and stay married. If you are one of them and still have doubts, then drop all the fears and be happy that you are in the ‘soon- to-be married’ category. So what is so special about getting married in your 40s?

Is it the same as marrying young?

Some may argue, age is just a number and it does not really matter, but experts think otherwise. Your age when you marry reveals your divorce vulnerability. People who marry later in life, are more mature while choosing their life partners and hence tend to be more stable in their marriages. If you marry when you were a teenager, chances are that you are uncertain about your professional self, you have family pressures and are unequipped to handle relationship challenges. Moreover, you are unlikely to handle emotional issues with maturity.

A middle-aged person is able to handle emotions well, is more stable financially and takes decisions with more maturity and understanding. Statistics suggest it is best to wait a few years. Divorce is 50% less likely to someone who gets married at the age of 40s then someone who gets married in the 20s.

The biggest decision

One of the biggest decisions to make in your 40s would be to bear a child, adopt one or not have a child itself. Bearing a child carries its own health risk; however, more than that it is how old you would be when the child goes in his or her teens. You would be well past the 60s and the child would have to not only take care of you but also work on his or her own professional self. Having a child always comes with its share of responsibilities and it is a personal decision best left to the couple getting married.

Your mental and emotional self

First of all, there is an immense joy that comes along. The fact that you are being loved by another person is self-satisfactory. You have grown past your young age and the chances of you attracting a quality partner has largely diminished, more due to unavailability. So finding one and getting to share your emotional self is a win in itself.

There is a mental gratification of senses as you feel complete as a human. You are also able to find a way to channelise your emotions and find someone who can be with you in your old age, to share your joys and sorrows.

Dump the numbers

Sometimes we have the habit of googling too much. We hear stories around us talking about how unsuccessful marriages are and how difficult it is to cope, especially in middle age. We frantically start searching for indicators to firm up our queries and we inadvertently find many examples showcasing how difficult it is. After all, any search engine is just a query returning mechanism. You have a doubt and you get enough examples to back up your doubts. Unfortunately we do not have a mechanism wherein the internet cross-questions your doubt.

That's when a life coach can come in handy. A life coach can help you get more clarity in life, questioning you with curiosity and holding a mirror in front of you.

There will be thousands of people who are unhappy, but then there would be thousands of them who would be happy. Which side would you rather listen to, the happier ones or the not so happy ones? The choice is yours. Hence dump the numbers and go with your gut feelings.

Be happy with your choices

Irrespective of how your life has worked out so far, just feel happy for yourself. Maybe you did not get married earlier because you could not find the right partner or maybe the love of your life dumped you and you could not see anyone else as your partner. Maybe you wanted to work on your career earlier or had

additional responsibilities of looking after your ailing parents. Whatever the reason, let that not stop you from accepting yourself. You are at the right place at the right time doing the right things. So just go ahead with it.

A union of cultures

Marriage is not just exchanging vows but a union of two cultures, traditions, values, customs, experiences, cuisines, and people. According to the latest statistics, people in their 40s have a far more balanced approach than the young ones. Differences get accepted readily. In fact differences are cherished and allowed. Loving interactions become deeper as people in their 40s have seen and been through various experiences.

Why the fuss?

You are more than enough. You are complete. The 40s is a time when you are really thinking about connections for a lifetime. You are thinking of tying the knot with someone who would be there with you in your old age. Age is no bar, but our mindset is. So what if people get married early? So what if people find partners and have kids to look after in their teens and continue to live happily ever after? Till the point you have not lost out on the happiness, your social connections and your loving self, everything is great. As they say, everything is fair in love and war, everything is great in the 40s, including marriage.

Go ahead and ring your wedding bells in your 4

Vaibhav Datar is an Author,Midlife Coach and Consultant

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